1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
