she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
