whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
