i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
