Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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