meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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