Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
