Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
