She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
