This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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