i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize