I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
