Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
