Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
