Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
