We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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