I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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