i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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