She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
