dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
