next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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