Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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