I accidentally had phone sex last night
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
