We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
