I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
