Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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