I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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