dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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