Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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