i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
