did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
