Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I came so hard my ears popped.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
