we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I want a musical about memes.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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