Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
