I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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