There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
