you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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