I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
