This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
