I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
