Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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