problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
