When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
