Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you told grandpa to call you daddy
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
