so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
