no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My balls are so social today.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
