Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize