how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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