How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
