I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize