thus making me awesome and them whores
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize