Screwed.edu
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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