true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
