this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize