out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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