The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
then he tried to convert me to islam
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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