There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
