I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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