if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
