I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
