i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize