my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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