I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
