Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
