By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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