i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
