Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
