At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
