You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I did not marry a roomba.
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