And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
