can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
