Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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