You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
